


The Moron Next Door

by Lack_of_Common_Sense



Category: Gintama
Genre: Adorable, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Banter, Bottom Gintoki, Casual, Cute, Cute probably, Daydreaming, Delusions, Denial, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, HijiGin, How Do I Tag, Humor, Kissing, Light-Hearted, M/M, Masturbation, Neighbors, Oblivious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seme Hijikata, Silly, Slice of Life, Spooktober, Supernatural Elements, Tags Are Hard, Top Hijikata, Uke Gintoki, University, Weirdly normal for my standards, Werewolves, Wholesome, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, creep-o-factor 2/10, density 6/10, thin walls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2020-12-22 20:55:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lack_of_Common_Sense/pseuds/Lack_of_Common_Sense
Summary: Hijikata has an absolute-mess-of-a-neighbour. He also wants to get into his neighbour's pants. The neighbour, however, seems to be unaware of this. This situation is further complicated by Hijikata's monthly problem, and by the fact that said neighbour lacks self-awareness and parades his sexy self in front of Hijikata without a care in the world.While (lovingly) calling Sakata Gintoki an idiot, a moron and an absolute fool, Hijikata can't resist being pulled in.(In other words, thirsty Hijikata.)





	1. Knock knock

Hijikata was dragging himself home, a splitting headache causing his eyebrows to furrow and vision to sway. It was hot, unbearably so, and though there was air conditioning at the university, his head was refusing to accept the current weather conditions and ached in protest. His tongue was sticking to the roof of his mouth, and he felt thirsty and tired.

Today’s lectures were more exhausting than usual, it seemed. The teacher had a sore throat and looking at the same person the whole day did not help to ease his drowsiness in the least. He just wanted to get home and get something to drink.

It was only about a twenty-minute walk from the university to his small flat, but by the time he held his doorknob, he felt more dead than alive. He kicked his shoes off, dropped his bag on the ground and only stopped by his fridge briefly to get a cold drink; then, he emptied his pockets and grabbing only a lighter and a single cigarette, he walked out to the balcony. His windows were facing the east, so this side of the block of flats was in the shade now.

Leaning onto the wall, he sighed and opened his bottle. At that moment, he heard the neighbouring balcony’s door clatter and his heart sank.

“Good morning, Oogushi-kun!” a cheerful voice rang in Hijikata’s ears, and a familiar face appeared, grinning. That voice had a slightly business-like, let’s-keep-the-neighbourhood-friendly kind of undertone, and just hearing it made Hijikata’s insides convulse.

“Morning?” he repeated dryly, putting his cigarette to his lips, and he lit it casually. “It’s past four already.” He lit his cancer stick and took a long drag. Like magic, his headache began to lift.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” Hijikata’s neighbour laughed and leaned onto the railing closest to Hijikata. “Can I have a smoke?” he said then, pointing his finger at the cigarette in Hijikata’s mouth.

“I don’t have the pack on me,” Hijikata shook his head. It wasn’t a lie, and it was the reason why he had emptied his pocket earlier. In other words, it was deliberate on Hijikata’s part—this man wouldn’t stop asking for one whenever he saw Hijikata smoking, and it was beginning to get on Hijikata’s nerves.

“This is fine,” the neighbour reached over and snatched the cigarette from Hijikata’s mouth – and then, to Hijikata’s horror, he put it to his own lips. “Thanks, Oogushi-kun.”

Hijikata stared at him, completely dumbfounded, and he just stood there frozen for a few seconds. “I haven’t worn that jacket since,” he then growled, “so you can stop calling me that.”

“But it’s funny,” the neighbour handed Hijikata his cigarette back. “Your face always turns sour.”

“Are you a child?” Hijikata retorted and put his cigarette to his mouth again begrudgingly.

“My soul is that of a boy,” came a reply. “That aside, I was invited to go drinking tonight and they told me it’s okay to bring more people. Seems like we’re short on guys, too. Wanna come?”

“No,” Hijikata shook his head. “Got a paper due.”

“Alright, see you later then. Make sure not to go stupid from all that studying. Oh, and if you change your mind, I’ll be at the office.” His door rattled and he was _finally _gone.

Hijikata glanced around, then heaved a sigh and curled up on the ground, his hand shaking as he brought it to his mouth again and slowly placed it between his lips.

Sakata Gintoki. Sakata fucking Gintoki, who was an overall disaster and had exactly zero redeeming qualities.

None.

Null.

Nada.

He was loud and messy, he had no regard for personal space, and he never forgot to remind Hijikata of this. He’d hang over Hijikata’s shoulder if they accidentally met in the hall or on the elevator, and more than just once or twice he had drunkenly stumbled his way into Hijikata’s place instead of his own. That was hardly surprising since he’d go drinking so often that his liver must have turned into stone a long time ago, and due to that, he’d get out of bed just when Hijikata reached home.

He’d dress always the same – though when he got up, he was usually just in his underwear and he hardly ever bothered wearing something when going out to the balcony to bug Hijikata for a smoke. It was only when he had to leave his flat that he actually wore proper clothes.

They were about the same age; in fact, Hijikata was fairly certain that they were born on the same year, but even so, Sakata often seemed like a drunk uncle to him.

His so-called _office_, too, was just one room in his flat, and it was mostly barren, save for one desk and two chairs on either side of that desk. He worked as a do-it-all, odd jobs sort of one-man company, and how much he actually made doing that was questionable.

However, there was one more problem, a much more pressing one than Sakata’s failure of a sleep schedule.

There wasn’t a quiet night next door, ever. That selfish bastard would bring women home a lot, and they were always exceptionally _loud, _and the thin walls blocked out no sounds at all. It wasn’t just one woman, either, and every now and then a new one would appear and then never come again. Hijikata had a strong and steadily growing suspicion that these trysts of his were actually also a part of that useless bum’s job, and that he was earning his rent by letting people use his dick.

Hijikata never said anything about it. Gintoki’s flat was a corner one, and so Hijikata was the only one who had to listen to anything happening behind the wall.

And he did.

He listened to them having sex, gritting his teeth and cussing under his breath, but he never so much as hit the wall to make them stop.

He couldn’t bring himself to, since, to his great misfortune, Hijikata was besotted.

Instead of complaining, he would jerk off to the sounds they made, and then he would go to bed loathing himself for it. When he first did it, he couldn’t bring himself to meet his neighbour’s eyes the following day. Then again, he rarely did meet his eyes at all, so Sakata probably hadn’t noticed.

Since then, it became both incredibly difficult and very pleasant to be in his presence. Hijikata, of course, wasn’t surprised about having fallen for a guy. This was something he had been aware of for quite a while, and he had been living as someone who had come into terms with his own sexuality – simply because there was no point in dwelling on it. That was how it was, and ultimately it was nobody’s but his own business. While he made sure to keep the people around him blissfully unaware, he went on about his life on his own terms. He was happy and proud to think that he was a rather sober individual with both head and heart in the right place.

That was why he was taken aback when he found himself having feelings for Sakata. Sakata was the absolute opposite of Hijikata, a total mess and generally an uncouth moron who cavorted through this plane of existence like only a half-sane rooster on drugs. One who was probably also blindfolded. There was absolutely no reason for Hijikata to harbour even remotely positive emotions towards this man, especially since living next to him was beyond uncomfortable.

Despite being aware of that, Hijikata’s heart clenched whenever Sakata came as unseemly close as he usually would. The main problem here was that that moron smelled _really _good. Well, unless he had some woman’s sickly-sweet perfume on him. Under normal circumstances, the scent Sakata gave off was a heavy, slightly overbearing masculine one, and Hijikata could swear that there was also a hint of something sweet in it, and a simple waft of it made Hijikata get the butterflies in his stomach. Sakata never used any sort of cologne – not that Hijikata noticed, anyway.

There was another rattle from next door. “I was wondering, have you got any—” Sakata peeked out of his balcony. “You okay, Oogushi-kun?”

“I’m fine,” Hijikata sifted through his teeth and he got up, realising that his cigarette was as good as gone now. “Just a bit… tired.” Not a lie; he _was _tired. After today, but more importantly of Sakata and his antics. “What do you need?”

Sakata gave him a stare, and it was then Hijikata realised there was the scent of something cooking. He wondered if Sakata was a good cook; he seemed to have a sweet tooth, unlike Hijikata himself, so it was unlikely that they’d get along in terms of food preferences.

“An onion or two.” Sakata ruffled his hair. “I forgot to buy some.”

“Let me check,” Hijikata put his cigarette out and disappeared inside, wondering just why in the world he was letting this piece of shit exploit him any longer. He was fed up with it, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Quickly, he walked out with the rest of the onions he had, and he wordlessly handed them over.

Sakata gave him another stare. “You look like you need to get laid,” he stated then.

Hijikata choked on air. Even if that was true and he really did need to and he might or might not have been planning to go out later to get it on with someone whose name and face would be forgotten in the morning, it was not the sort of thing normal, reasonable people would just blurt out randomly. Sadly, this perm-head was far from normal or reasonable.

“Want me to hook you up?” Sakata offered without a hint of shame. “There are a few girls who—”

Hijikata glared at him and slammed the door. Or, he tried to, but the sliding door had no sense of drama and kind of just rattled really loudly, then it got stuck and he had to open it again and close it slowly while ostentatiously not looking in his neighbour’s direction.

How could he say such a thing? How was it possible that he had the _audacity—_

Hijikata curled up on the ground again. This, this was torture, and he had to be subjected to it day after day for who knew how much longer.

He should move out.

Except, he did not want to move out.

Obviously.

Sakata Gintoki was undeniably attractive. Built, but not overly muscular, with a reasonably good-looking face, and his sort of droopy eyes were a good addition to it. His mouth and nose were shapely, though he would sometimes pull faces which made all of his handsomeness evaporate like alcohol… and if he wasn’t coming home after a night of drinking, or if Hijikata didn’t happen to meet him the morning after Sakata was rolling in bed with some woman, his scent would make Hijikata weak in the knees.

It wasn’t that he wanted a relationship with his neighbour.

Just a one-night stand would be enough. After all, what he felt for Sakata Gintoki was predominantly physical – and they weren’t on the first-name basis, even, so to think they could grow closer in one way or another was utterly preposterous.

He knew that Sakata wasn’t a bad guy. He wasn’t, he was just disgustingly talented in trampling over the flower field of Hijikata’s heart over and over without realising how inconsiderate his behaviour is.

It wasn’t that he wanted to fix Sakata’s habits – or set him ‘straight’, so to speak – no, it wasn’t that, either. Of course, he would very much welcome it if the noises from behind the wall stopped forever, and if the scent of others in what he wanted to be _his _territory would be no more. He didn’t want _others_ to be around that man. Not in that way.

And he hated that part of himself. It essentially meant that he wanted Sakata Gintoki to be _alone _just so that he didn’t have to envy those women, imagining himself in their place. If he could, he’d drive them away, one by one, until there wouldn’t be a single molecule of alien perfume left, and he could just _enjoy_ the scent of the man living next door.

There was the sound of the neighbouring flat’s door, then the sound of his own doorbell. He sighed and trotted his way towards it, not wanting to open it.

Sakata Gintoki stood there, in his trousers and flip-flops, but topless for some bloody reason. “I’m not sure what pissed you off earlier, but I’ve brought curry,” he lifted the pot in his hands both as proof and as a peace offering.

Hijikata internally sighed heavily, and gritting his teeth, he invited that useless bum inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I started another one and well it's gonna take some time to do, but that's hardly anything new. I missed the chance to upload this for Gin-san's birthday, so let's consider this an October thing instead.
> 
> Also it's in fact 3 am for me so if you spot typos or errors or unfinished sentences, let me know. 
> 
> Also also, I want to hear your thoughts, always. Comments are my water of life. Unless ofc you have nothing to say cause then it's my bad for not being able to make you interested enough.
> 
> Also also also I'm an idiot who should be sleeping. I'm not feeling well.


	2. Curry Truce

As it turned out, Sakata Gintoki wasn’t a bad cook. However, he wasn’t exactly great either. The curry Hijikata was now expressionlessly eating definitely had a sweet undertone to it, and it was a bit too much to Hijikata’s preferences. He wasn’t surprised by it, but he was certainly a little displeased. _If you’ve come to make up with me, bring something tastier_.

Actually, why did Sakata come over in the first place? They weren’t friends to begin with, so wanting to make up, even though they haven’t even argued, was strange. Sakata was not someone with a sound and reasonable way of thinking, so Hijikata was unsure what Sakata’s thought process behind all this was.

Most importantly, why was he _shirtless?!_

“Anyway, Oogushi-kun,” Sakata began, and he smirked when Hijikata’s eyebrow cocked in a conditioned response to being called that. The reason was fairly simple – one day, Hijikata fell prey to a momentary weakness and bought a jacket he thought looked cool. Next thing he knew, he met Sakata who eyed him and immediately called him Oogushi, on the grounds that the front part of the jacket had a motif which vaguely resembled a sequence of the “串” character. The magic was gone, Hijikata never wore that jacket again, yet Sakata was not going to let him live it down.

“Where’s the dog?” Sakata finished his sentence, tilting his head.

“The what, now?” Hijikata looked at him, confused.

“The dog,” Sakata repeated. “You’re keeping one, right?” he added, and he held up his hand.

Hijikata’s blood froze. Sakata was holding a hair – a straight black one with a coarse texture and a white part near the root. Somehow, he maintained a deadpan. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That hair is mine,” he said firmly.

“This isn’t a human hair,” Sakata chuckled. “You’ve got a dog even though the landlord doesn’t allow it? Where is it? I saw some of its hair before when I came over, and I’ve been wanting to pet it.”

_So that’s your real motive,_ Hijikata thought. “When you mistakenly barged into my place instead of yours, you mean,” he bellowed and put his spoon down. “I don’t own a dog.”

“What’s this then?” Sakata twirled it between his fingers. “It looks like it’s a really fluffy one. We’re friends, aren’t we? You shouldn’t hide something so amazing from me,” he said insistently, and there was a little part of Hijikata’s brain that groaned in sheer agony because this moron’s eyes were _sparkling_ now. He was only talking about a dog, and yet he was excited like a five-year-old before a Disneyland trip.

“I don’t remember becoming friends with you,” Hijikata said sternly. It came out in a much worse way than he had intended for it to, but the damage was done, and he couldn’t take it back, so instead, he rolled with it and pulled a face that spelt rejection. Keeping Sakata Gintoki’s paws out of his personal business was probably for the best, anyway. After all, if this guy found out about _that_, there was no telling what would happen.

“You’ve got a point,” Sakata, however, did not react the way he should have. “Then,” he scooted closer and grabbed Hijikata’s right hand with both of his, “let’s get along from now on! With this, we _are _friends, and you can’t say no,” he then declared victoriously.

Hijikata could feel that a headache was coming. The fact that the moon was going to be full in a few days was already bad enough, and having Sakata at his flat was not making his worried heart any lighter. “_… Fine_,” he sighed heavily, and he yanked his hand away from Gintoki’s clutches. “There’s still no dog, though. You said it yourself, it’s not allowed.”

“Well… but that’s problematic,” Sakata pulled a face.

Hijikata narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

Sakata pursed his lips, looking away.

“Out with it,” Hijikata growled impatiently, and he backed away a little so that he could face the other properly.

“I might have spoken about you to a friend of mine,” Sakata mumbled, still not meeting Hijikata’s eyes, “and I might have told her that you’re keeping a dog.”

“…” Hijikata opened his mouth to tell him that he was, in fact, not interested in that woman, because he wasn’t interested in women in general… but then he hesitated. Did he actually want his tattle-mouth of a neighbour to know this? Sakata had already proven that he couldn’t be trusted not to talk behind Hijikata’s back. “I don’t want to date anyone for now,” he opted for a half-truth in the end.

He didn’t want to date, and he definitely wasn’t ready for that kind of thing – but, if… hypothetically… Sakata Gintoki himself suggested that the two of them could start dating, he’d most likely nod.

He’d also nod to a one-night stand.

He’d also nod if offered a mindless, rough and emotionless fuck in a back alley behind a bar of questionable reputation, surrounded by trash bins and with a high-as-balls hobo peeking around the corner. He was desperate for this man’s touch, but he didn’t want anyone else’s. Looking for substitutes had proven futile, because there was no other human alive who smelled this good, and due to his acute sense of smell, even closing his eyes during sex did not help. Knowing all that, he looked for substitutes anyway, since as far as he knew, Sakata Gintoki was a pure and undiluted heterosexual. Not once had Hijikata seen him bring home a man.

The smell of curry was not enough to completely drown out Sakata’s natural scent, especially now that they were this close to one another. His stomach had been under siege since earlier, too – the uncalled-for butterflies attacked him the moment Sakata entered his flat, and they resumed their unending efforts in torturing Hijikata when Sakata grabbed his hand. He was getting weaker, and he knew that it was partly influenced by the moon’s current phase. His breath gradually became unsteady.

“Are you feeling alright?” Sakata asked in a concerned tone. “Your face seems really pale.”

“Says you?” Hijikata breathed out a chuckle. “I’m fine.” The pale one here was not him, after all – it was his neighbour whose skin looked like it’d never met with sunlight. It was a shade that surely turned red easily, and it would look _amazing_ when flushed during sex. Hijikata had seen him flushed from alcohol before, but that wasn’t quite the same. He wondered what this handsome face looked like when Sakata started feeling horny, and he wanted to know this man’s lust-glazed, feverish eyes.

“You don’t _look_ fine,” Sakata said doubtfully.

“I’ll be okay, just… give me a moment,” Hijikata breathed out and got up unsteadily, groping his pockets for a smoke. Then, he remembered he had taken them out, and he quickly more directed his fall than actually walked to the next room and over to the table where he had set his cigarette pack previously.

With shaking hands, he lit his cigarette, and only felt relief when the smoke smothered his sense of smell.

“Are you that addicted to them?” Sakata peeked around the corner. “What happened just now did not seem good at all.”

“That’s none of your concern, is it?” Hijikata said, then he inhaled more smoke than he could handle and instantly had a coughing fit. _That this happened was your fault in the first place_.

He couldn’t very well tell him that, though.

“If you say that, I’ll think you want me to leave,” Sakata chuckled.

“Please leave,” Hijikata replied without missing a beat. “I told you, I’ve got a paper due.”

“Alright, alright,” Sakata got up and walked closer, holding his hand out for a handshake. “I’ll be in your care then, friend,” he said, grinning.

Hijikata reluctantly took that hand and gave it a weak squeeze.

“I’m going to leave the rest of the curry here,” Sakata said with a small smile, “you can give the pot to me after you finish the rest.”

“Alright, thank you,” Hijikata nodded, then shooed him out. On the way, he put his cigarette out. If that moron was no longer present, then he could go all out and jack off to his smell, after all.

Once the door shut behind the idiot’s handsome mug and great body, Hijikata leaned his back against it and slid down onto the floor. This wasn’t fair, it was the absolute and total opposite of fair, and Hijikata could feel his heart beating so loudly that for a few moments he couldn’t hear anything else at all. He had managed to keep himself in check, and that was good and all, but how much longer could he keep this up? He was so worried he’d freak out and give himself away, humiliating himself in front of Sakata forever and rendering himself unable to even look at his neighbour again.

His heart nearly jumped out of his throat when the doorbell rang again.

“What is it?” he said when he opened the door, and he saw Sakata Gintoki standing there once more.

“I locked myself out of my flat,” Sakata ruffled his hair with a sheepish smile. “Can I climb over your balcony to get home?”


	3. Wank Bank

Hijikata stared at the other blankly. “… Over my balcony?” he said then. “How about no?”

“Come on, I don’t want to have to take it up with the landlord,” Sakata said, his expression that of a kicked puppy – which, honestly, should not have worked on Hijikata, but somehow it did anyway, and Hijikata stepped away, defeated.

“Alright,” he said, “but before you try that, you’re going to wear something. I’m lending you a t-shirt.” He couldn’t allow this stupid bastard to wander around his flat shirtless any longer. It was dangerous for the both of them.

“What a pain,” Sakata walked in and closed the door. “Does it really matter that much?”

Hijikata sighed. “A half-naked guy climbing from one balcony to another is bound to attract attention. Why are you not properly dressed in the first place?” he asked as he turned to go and find something he could let Sakata have for the time being.

“I spilled curry on myself,” Sakata explained. “And I was lazy to get a new shirt.”

Hijikata pursed his lips. _Of course you would have done something stupid like that. Why am I even asking?_ He opened his drawer and eyed his casual shirts. Sakata’s size should be about the same as his, so that wasn’t really an issue, but considering that Hijikata knew his neighbour to be terribly sloppy, he figured he should choose something he wasn’t going to need in a while – or, potentially, something he was okay with never wearing again. It was entirely possible for Sakata to forget to return it, after all.

Eventually, he picked one at random, and he tossed it at Sakata, who was peeking in through the door. “Here,” he said. “Wear this. We’re about the same size, anyway.”

Sakata grabbed it and pulled it over his head. “It’s kinda tight,” he said.

Hijikata swallowed hard. It _was _tight, and somehow it made that moron’s chest look even better than moments ago. He ignored the urge to come closer and grope Sakata’s pecs. He _would_, he really would, but he would feel bad for giving in to that urge – even if he doubted that Sakata would mind, or care.

“If you’re gonna complain, you’re welcome to go and talk to the landlord,” he said instead, collecting himself.

“No, nonononononono. I’m extremely grateful, may you be eternally praised for your unending kindness!” Sakata theatrically folded himself into a flawless dogeza, hitting the floor with his forehead as he knelt.

Suddenly, Hijikata was really glad that he had cleaned the floors yesterday.

Sakata got up again. “Say… Can I come over in the evening?” he asked insistently.

“Why?” Hijikata narrowed his eyes. He really couldn’t have _him_ over at this time. He was worried he might do something he’d regret.

“I want. To see.” Sakata leaned closer. “The. Dog.”

“There is no dog, and I don’t want you here after dark.” Hijikata began pushing Sakata goddamn Gintoki towards the balcony uncompromisingly.

“What, why?” Sakata braced himself against the door. “You got any ladies coming over?”

Hijikata rolled his eyes. “No. How many times do I have to tell you before it gets through your thick skull? I’m _busy_.”

“But we could have a drink,” Sakata objected. “You could relax a little, you know? You look like you’ve been stressed for _weeks_.”

_And whose fault is that? _Hijikata thought as he replied firmly, “I’m not interested in drinking with you, and I’m sure you would make a mess out of my place.”

Sakata narrowed his eyes. “You seem irritable today,” he said.

Hijikata shrugged his shoulders, looked him in the eye and replied seriously, “Well, it’s that time of the month.”

Sakata was now squinting. “You on your period?” he said jokingly.

Hijikata maintained a deadpan. “Yeah. Now, fuck off.”

“How rude,” Sakata pouted. “Is that how you treat your friends?”

“Sometimes,” Hijikata shrugged and pushed the door open to force the idiot out of his apartment.

Reluctantly, Sakata stepped out to the balcony and turned towards Hijikata again. “Seriously,” he said, “if you ever wanna hang out, I’m down. Even more so if you bring your dog.”

Hijikata sighed bitterly. “You’re a special kind of stupid, huh?”

“What’d you say that for?!” Sakata leaned in, pouting like a child.

“I keep telling you – _there. Is. No. Fucking. Dog._” With that, Hijikata backed away and closed the door behind himself – carefully this time – and drawn the curtains.

Right after that, he let out a loud sigh and curled up on the ground. _Fucker_, he thought, letting out a shaky breath. He could hear Sakata scramble over to his own balcony, and he only hoped that the idiot was going to be alright. He was not in a shape to check – his flat was unbearably, completely filled with Sakata Gintoki’s scent. There was, of course, the scent of curry as well, but that did not help in the least, and as soon as Hijikata managed to chase Sakata out, it _happened._

He curled up tighter and covered his now straining crotch. He could _feel _it and that was beyond terrible. He could only hope that the dumbass was not going to come over again anytime soon, because that would be beyond embarrassing.

He unzipped his fly and groaned when his dick tasted freedom. “Damn you,” he sifted through his teeth as he took a hold of his erection. With the full moon drawing nearer, his carnal urges were stronger.

He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Sakata’s scent was smothering his senses, and there was nothing that could stop him. Hell, he’d even masturbate to the thought that the guy he had the hots for brought him curry.

He tried to recall the way his shirt tightly hugged Sakata’s muscles. He’d love to hug them, too.

And taste, maybe.

And grope, and squeeze, and to enjoy his reactions while doing so.

The amount of eye candy he received today was almost too much to bear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was drunk off my ass while writing this, so if you notice typos, lemme know so I can fix em


	4. Man Hunt

It was a Friday evening, one day until the full moon. Hijikata was standing at his neighbour’s door, the post-curry pot he had to return in one hand. His other hand was hovering hesitantly in the air in front of the doorbell.

He, unlike Sakata, would do everything properly, so of course, he had to return the pot. Even so, at this moment, he was seriously considering abandoning his ironclad principles so he wouldn’t have to face _him_. He didn’t want to – not after he absolutely destroyed his dick last night, thinking of the idiot’s body.

“You gonna ring or not?” echoed from behind him.

Startled, Hijikata dropped the pot.

It landed on the ground with a clang, and the lid rolled away and stopped at Sakata’s feet. He was carrying a grocery bag, and there was an amused smile on his lips.

He was _still_ wearing Hijikata’s shirt.

Hijikata must have pulled a face before he bent over to pick up the pot because the perm-head picked up on it very quickly. “I was going to give it back to you after I came from the store,” he said, his tone slightly apologetic.

“You haven’t even taken it off, have you,” Hijikata sighed heavily as he straightened up, the pot in his hand. He saw that Sakata had picked up the lid.

“How did you know?” Sakata made a genuinely surprised face, and Hijikata got immediately pissed; this was no way to treat other people’s things.

Then again, he _did _drop the pot on the ground just now. It was kind of Sakata’s fault since Hijikata was in the process of steeling himself before venturing into dangerous territory, and Sakata just had to interrupt before Hijikata was ready – but it was Hijikata’s fault as well since he couldn’t but freak out. It was an instinct, and it annoyed him to no end that he was conditioned like this.

Instead of snapping at the idiot, he waited for him to come closer. Sakata handed him the pot lid and began looking for his keys with his free hand.

“You’d better not have locked yourself out of your place again,” Hijikata frowned.

“I didn’t, I didn’t,” Sakata briefly stopped searching his pockets to wave his hand dismissively. “And even if I did, I’m sure you’d help out a friend in need,” he then grinned. “Ah.” He reached to his back pocket. “There they are!” he said victoriously, jangling with his keys in front of Hijikata’s face.

“Awesome,” Hijikata said sarcastically. “I helped you _one time,_ and I’m not letting you climb over my balcony ever again.”

“Aww, don’t be like that,” Sakata pouted and finally unlocked the door. “You coming in?”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Hijikata replied quickly while trying to calm down his yet again shocked heart. He couldn’t possibly…! If he did, it could result in a social disaster!

“It’s okay, come in,” Sakata grabbed his wrist and dragged him inside uncompromisingly. “Since I made you help me out, let me treat you to something.”

Hijikata stood hesitantly at the entrance, the pot still in his hands. “I already had the curry,” he said. He barely went in and he already felt his knees getting weaker. He had to leave as soon as possible. There was no way he was going to humiliate himself by getting an erection here. “Just give me my shirt back and I’ll be going.”

“You sure?” Sakata set his grocery bag on the ground. “I was going to wash it first.”

Hijikata froze. “I’d rather wash it myself,” he said after a moment’s thought.

“Do you not trust me to wash it properly?” Sakata folded his arms on his (shapely) chest. “I’ll have you know that I’m a productive member of society, Hijikata-kun. I can at least do the laundry.”

“I prefer my own detergent,” Hijikata shrugged.

“Well, if it doesn’t gross you out that I fell asleep in it,” Sakata made the same gesture, “then here you go.”

A barely audible ‘fuck’ rolled off of Hijikata’s lips, and the pot clanged on the floor for the second time.

That unbelievable piece of ass took the shirt off with no regard for Hijikata’s possible discomfort. Hijikata swallowed hard, closing his eyes momentarily. Surely, he had to be dreaming.

“You okay?” Sakata stopped mid-motion, his hair an absolute mess after he pulled the shirt over his head.

“I’m fine,” Hijikata sifted through his teeth and picked up the pot again, then held it out for Sakata to take. “Give me the shirt. I just… remembered something urgent, and I really gotta go.”

“Okay,” Sakata replied while having the audacity to look dejected. He pulled the shirt off of his hands and straightened it up with a single whip of his wrists (making Hijikata suffer a little more, as the bewitching smell permeating his flat was stirred up and whirled around the both of them). Then, he stepped closer, took the pot from Hijikata’s semi-petrified hand and hung the shirt across Hijikata’s palm. “Next time, then?”

“I swear, if you bring up the—” Hijikata began.

Gintoki raised his free hand towards the ceiling in a dramatic manner. “I swear to dog, I would never!”

Hijikata scoffed and turned towards the door. “See you later.”

“That better be a promise, Oogushi-kun.” Gintoki said behind him.

“Call me that again and I’ll make sure we’ll never meet again,” Hijikata retorted.

“Aw,” he heard, and not minding it in the least, he resolutely walked out, closing the door behind himself.

For a moment, his hand rested on the doorknob as he was looking at the shirt clutched in his hand.

Then, he calmly and in a Very Collected Manner made his way back to his place.

As soon as he was inside, he brought the shirt to his face and inhaled deeply. His knees instantly gave in, and he hit the floor hard – but he didn’t care that it hurt. He didn’t even care that he fell onto the floor of the genkan* which was not nearly as clean as the rest of his flat. His mind was completely blank, and all he could focus on was that reassuring yet arousing, _delicious_ smell coming from the shirt Sakata had worn for a little over a day.

He stayed like that for a long time, unsure of how many minutes passed.

Finally, he got up and leaned onto the wall heavily.

He _desperately _needed to get laid. Like, right now. Preferably with someone who didn’t smell like his annoying neighbour in the least so that Hijikata could face the idiot in the future without feeling too guilty.

With his legs still wobbling a little, he made his way to his closet and grabbed some stuff to change into. It was a good time to go out and get himself a man and a room; he had to take a break from being around the bastard he had no chances with, anyway.

Knowing that his own smell was getting heavier with the full moon drawing nigh, he masked it with a lot of deodorant. Then, he went to the bathroom and fixed his hair a little, even though he had little chances of doing that, as it was getting unruly again. This not-quite-just-yet phase was the most annoying one, as various parts of him were just doing whatever the hell they pleased.

He fixed the front of his trousers a little. It was still uncomfortable, even though his erection had mostly subsided.

Sighing heavily, he grabbed his wallet and keys and set out to go to one of his favourite bars. It was a habit of his to avoid cruising for men near his home since he knew that kind of thing tended to attract unwanted attention. He really didn’t need his whole neighbourhood to know that he was much more into dick than the average guy – and he dreaded the thought that a certain perm-head would find out about it. If Sakata started avoiding him because of this, Hijikata probably wouldn’t be able to bear it.

The bar he entered welcomed him with a familiar smell of cigarette smoke. The reason he chose this one tonight wasn’t just because he was a smoker himself; it was because the way the cigarette smoke clawed at his suddenly so damn sensitive nose had the potential to help him focus on finding a good fuck – that is, without the memory of Sakata dog-damn Gintoki’s body odour getting in the way.

He sat down by the bar and nodded at the bartender. Though they never spoke about it, he was rather certain he was considered a regular at this point.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” the bartender said. “The usual?”

“Please,” Hijikata nodded.

Primarily, this wasn’t a gay bar, but it just so happened to turn into one on its own. Of course, since it wasn’t advertised like that, there were a lot of straight people too; the owner of the bar was gay himself, and he kept a close watch on his customers so that everything was right and proper. If one of the boys got bullied, the owner would interfere, and he’d also interfere whenever someone decided to eat up an unsuspecting straight person. He was a huge guy, and not many people would want to go and tussle with someone towering above them one or even two heads taller.

Hijikata received his drink and took a sip.

Not two seconds after, someone sat down by his right side. “Evening,” came a greeting.

Hijikata turned that way and eyed him. _He’ll do_, he thought. The guy was a little taller than Hijikata himself, nicely built, with a good face, and his voice was pleasantly deep. “Hi,” he nodded. This one was probably going to hold him, but that was alright; Hijikata just needed to relieve the tension he felt, and it did not matter how. If he managed to get rid of his urges, then he’d also get his ‘lunar problem’ under control, and that was extremely important.

“Drinking alone?”

“Not anymore,” Hijikata cracked a smile.

“Great,” the guy chuckled. “I—”

Hijikata couldn’t hear what the guy said. A scent he’d recognise anywhere tickled his nose, and it drowned out everything else.

“Hey there, friend-o,” he heard a terribly familiar voice behind himself and his blood froze so fast he thought he’d break into a million pieces if he moved. Sakata sat next to him casually. “You said you weren’t gonna go drinking,” he said accusingly, “so what’s all this?”

“I said I wasn’t interested in drinking _with you_.” Hijikata’s tone was dismissive and cold. Why did this bastard have to be so many flavours of insufferable?! Was the daily torture not enough? Did he have to cock-block Hijikata now, too?

Actually… what was he even doing here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Genkan 玄関 げんかん is the part of the entryway where people in Japan take off and leave their shoes in order to keep their apartments clean. This also happens in some restaurants in Japan, and some other establishments.


	5. Booze Feud

“Well, that’s heartbreaking,” Sakata pouted, clearly not heart-broken in the slightest.

Hijikata stiffly turned towards the man who was objectively much more attractive than his idiot of a neighbour. “Excuse me for a moment,” he said, “I’ll be right back.”

“If you’re not available—” the man began, but Hijikata shook his head.

“No such thing,” he assured his chances of getting laid quickly, then he grabbed Sakata’s shoulder firmly. “Come,” he hissed, his tone a little harsher than he had intended. Then, he began dragging the idiot away uncompromisingly.

“Hold up, I just arrived,” Sakata protested, stopping firmly in his stride when they were about to walk out.

“I won’t let you ruin my evening,” Hijikata said sourly, but he did let go of Sakata reluctantly. “I wanted to _calmly _enjoy a drink or two. You being here makes that impossible by default.”

“_You_ are being exceptionally rude tonight, and I’ll have none of that,” Sakata pointed at Hijikata’s face rudely, but despite his annoyed tone of voice, a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. He was _enjoying _seeing Hijikata miffed, and though he probably didn’t mean anything by it, it certainly did not make Hijikata like him more for it. The fact that he did not know _why_ Hijikata was so goddamn irritated with him was no excuse. He just _had to _waltz in like it was nothing serious while thoughtlessly smothering _everything _in the room in that amazingly alluring scent – and because he could see that Hijikata was getting annoyed, he just stuck around and consequently made everything exponentially worse with each passing minute. Hijikata couldn’t smell the cigarettes anymore, and he knew that this was really, really bad.

Before Sakata stupid-ass Gintoki came into the picture, this was not a problem at all. However, having met his idiotic neighbour, Hijikata had discovered that his ‘lunar problem’ was tied directly to his libido, and that was less than great since the goddamn fool trotted around without a care in the world, disrupting Hijikata’s peace of mind. Somehow, he had a knack to get in the way of everything more around each full moon – and though Hijikata used to manage to keep him at bay, these plans were now thwarted by the moron, and Hijikata found himself too weak to stop this change.

God, he wanted to have sex with this guy so bad it _hurt_.

Even more so now, as his nose was terribly sensitive at this stage.

Luckily, he had also discovered that if he managed to get… _release_ before sauntering down the moonlit streets, he wouldn’t have a sudden ‘lunar accident’. He had enough control over it in general and was able to go minutes outside at night without having the urge to strip and run off into the woods howling, but the longer he was outside, the worse it got.

This bar was close enough to a love hotel to be considered to be at a safe distance.

Every now and then, the owner of the bar would let some of the regulars use the room upstairs. Hijikata himself had never used that place, thinking that it was beneath him to bother the owner with such things.

Sakata leaned closer, and Hijikata closed his eyes as his vision went black for a hot second. “Just let me join you guys,” he insisted, “not like there’s any harm done.”

There was plenty harm done and there was also a lot more room for _more _harm, but before Hijikata could say anything, he could feel someone’s hand lightly clutch his shoulder. He glanced that way, and it was the man he wanted to get laid with.

Correction – it was the man he wanted to get laid with _but _whose name he did not know yet. There were two of them present at the moment, after all.

“I can see that you want his attention as well,” the man, who – to his own luck – was not Sakata Gintoki, leaned over Hijikata’s shoulder. “How about we see which one of us can drink more? Whoever wins gets to spend time with him.”

Hijikata wanted to protest and was just about to ask what in the world he would be getting out of this – after all, Sakata wasn’t on _their _side of the river, so there was no damn way he’d agree to sleep with Hijikata… but, unfortunately, his curiosity then got the better of him, and there was a part of him that was secretly happy when Sakata looked at the stranger, saying, “You’re on.”

He did want to see Gintoki get drunk essentially for his – Hijikata’s – sake. He felt bad for thinking that since the other guy seemed to _really _want to get into Hijikata’s pants. He could both understand and appreciate that kind of want, especially considering that the guy proposed what served as a fair duel on all accounts, except nobody was going to get hurt (though at least one of them was going to end up drunk under the table).

It was sort of nice to be wanted – even if one of the people partaking was an absolutely oblivious idiot who had no clue that Hijikata would love to fuck him into unconsciousness if he could.

They settled at the bar, and Hijikata sat down close to them, fully intending to have first-row seats to this show.


	6. Dog Brain

Hijikata opened his eyes into the dark.

He didn’t _need _to do so to understand that he was back at his place, but he did anyway, as you do – and when he tried to stretch to make himself more comfortable, he understood that _it_ had happened whilst he was asleep.

Worse, Sakata’s arms were wrapped around him tightly.

The curtains were open, and the full moon was shining right at the bed, at the two of them – the currently _extremely hairy _and _inappropriately four-legged _Hijikata, and the snoring perm-headed bastard who did not have a single care in the world.

Hijikata wriggled himself out of Sakata’s grasp and jumped off the bed silently. He was nearly sober when he was leaving the bar with an unfortunate and _very heavy _silvery accessory hanging over his shoulders, so he remembered what happened.

The poor sod who chose to challenge Sakata despite not knowing a single thing about him ended up losing. Sakata did not last much longer after acknowledging his own victory, and in the end, Hijikata was left with two drunk people on his hands.

He had entrusted the brave challenger to the bar owner’s care, and chose to drag Sakata home because he knew that if he chose to leave them both there, the owner would be unhappy, and Sakata wouldn’t let him hear the end of it. He didn’t have a reason to take home the stranger over someone he knew, either – especially if the person he knew also happened to be the same piece of human garbage whose scent alone could make him lose his goddamn mind.

Of course Sakata was human. Hijikata would know by scent alone if the person in question were anything but human, but Sakata Gintoki was a human through and through, there was not a single gene in him that wouldn’t be human, and yet there was something so alluring about him that Hijikata would sometimes feel that he was slowly going insane. On the way home, he slowly choked on Gintoki’s scent and only praised the Heavens above and Hells below that Gintoki had drunk so much that his natural odour was at least partially masked.

Even though whenever they had to step into the moonlight on the way back, Hijikata almost dropped Gintoki on the sidewalk every time, he somehow did manage to hold it in until they reached the door of his flat, until they stumbled inside and until he flopped the unresisting Gintoki on the bed, fully clothed.

That, Hijikata concluded, was unfortunate.

He did briefly consider to try and take the idiot’s clothes off and then, once Sakata woke up in the morning, to blame it on his own drunk stupid ass. However, Hijikata himself was not drunk enough to pull such a stunt – after all, rather than drinking alcohol, he had more than enough fun watching two men trying to win his favour via a drinking contest. He didn’t need to be inebriated to enjoy himself in such a situation.

Thus, now this good-for-nothing was on his bed spreading his stupid scent everywhere around him like a noxious cloud, corroding Hijikata’s common sense and self-control.

For better or for worse, he had forgotten to close his curtains, and so, as he fell asleep next to Gintoki, the moon shifted during the night and Hijikata fell victim to it.

This was good, he decided. Should he wake up in his human form with Gintoki clinging to him like this, he would surely be pushed past his limit, he’d give in to his urges and end up doing something regrettable.

He was still kind of, but not really, in his clothes – they obviously did not fit him with his lunar issue, and when he jumped off the bed, he left most of them behind.

Slowly and as carefully as possible, he wriggled out of his shirt.

He had to move his clothes somewhere less weird than right under that guy. It would be, at the very least, suspicious.

As quietly as he could, he carried off his clothes to the bathroom, one article of clothing at a time.

Then, he climbed back onto the bed and sat next to Sakata, watching his sleeping face.

Sakata murmured something in his sleep and rolled over onto his back.

Hijikata leaned in and inhaled, unable to stop his tail from wagging. This scent was so _comforting_, so indescribably warm and kind, and Hijikata did not want to stop smelling it, ever.

He was not currently physically equipped to whisper what he felt, but he at least nosed at Sakata’s face and tried to kiss his cheek.

The perm-head groaned and opened his eyes. “C’me ‘ere, puppy,” he murmured sleepily. Then, his eyes opened wider, and he sat up, rubbing his face. “Oh, I’m at Hijikata’s…” he said under his breath, then his gaze fell on Hijikata himself.

“I fuckin’ knew he had a dog. Where have you been hiding?” he said, reaching out to pet Hijikata’s head. “Who’s a good boy? Yes, it’s you! You’re the goodest boy!”

Hijikata lowered his head in response, extremely conflicted that he felt happy being called a good boy by this moron. It was embarrassing, but his tail was wagging and hitting the bed loudly, _thumpthumpthump—_

“Where’s your master?” Sakata said, and at the same time he had the _audacity _to scratch Hijikata behind his ears and it just felt so _damn nice_ that Hijikata completely forgot he ever had an ounce of shame. Opening his mouth and letting his tongue hang out, he panted happily, leaning into Sakata’s touch.

“Aren’t you the cutest,” Sakata leaned in – and then he placed a light kiss on Hijikata’s forehead.

Hijikata’s brain exploded.

He tackled Sakata onto the bed, licking his face. He could feel that his dog brain was now in control, and his human brain could now only watch from the sidelines, but he knew he could rely on it not to do anything terrible. He had worried once that the line between being a canine and being a human was not clear enough, but now, all he could sense in his dog brain was an unconditional adoration for the drunk idiot laughing on his bed.

He couldn’t say he agreed completely with that part of his mind, but he just couldn’t help himself at that moment. The person he adored was right there, and all he could think about was showering him with as much affection as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming a routine but I was drunk writing this and am drunk posting this. If you see errors, please throw a slipper my way to let me know so I can fix them. Thankies <3
> 
> my ig where I also announce updates for every fic I am writing: @rison_iinekin


	7. Silver Panic

Hijikata woke up yet again, but this time he was very much human – and also, very naked. He rolled over to check the time on the alarm clock at the bedside.

It was shy of eight AM.

Sakata was snoring away beside him in a posture less than graceful. That is, his lower half was on the bed, but his upper half was hanging off the bed, his head was on the floor, and the noises escaping his nose were something a bear would be more likely to produce.

Relieved that Sakata was still fast asleep, Hijikata silently slipped away into the bathroom to wash up. While he was there, he put his yesterday’s clothes into the laundry, and then just as silently, he walked back into his room to get dressed. It did not take him long, but he was a little anxious about waking Sakata up.

Fortunately, the idiot in question was a heavy sleeper, and so Hijikata got dressed safely without having to explain why he was naked.

For a moment, he watched his neighbour sleep; Sakata’s ass was just over the edge of the bed, and in this position, it looked round and extraordinarily squeezable.

Hijikata sighed. Thankfully, he was the only one who knew what happened when he changed last night, and when his dog instincts took the reins. That outburst of affection he had no control over was going to haunt him for weeks to come.

Shaking his head, he left the room as quietly as he could yet again, intending to make breakfast both for himself and his uninvited and unwelcome but very much desirable guest. At the very least, he _had _seen him drinking coffee before, though it was barely brown and most likely full of sugar.

Standing by the rice cooker, he hesitated. The idiot occupying his room was definitely going to feel sick after the drinking contest he challenged the other guy to last night. Was rice even a good idea? There were things in a typical Japanese breakfast that could help alleviate a hangover, but a Japanese breakfast did not go well with coffee. Did Sakata even drink tea? Hijikata found himself unsure.

Regardless, something with minerals and vitamins would probably be a good idea. An egg should be good, too.

Momentarily, Hijikata contemplated making omelettes. He wasn’t really one to eat omelettes in the morning, though that was one of his poor attempts to balance out his love for mayonnaise. Plus, there was a chance that a greasy omelette could make Sakata’s symptoms worse, so he decided against.

Then, he realised that his first idea – to make coffee – might have not been so good because coffee was diuretic, and it was best to pay attention to staying hydrated when hungover. Tea had similar effects, so water would probably be best. At least, as a first drink.

Then, he stopped in his tracks once more. He should have checked for some turmeric first, obviously.

Was he… panicking?

He growled in annoyance at the rice cooker in front of him. This was preposterous. Usually, he’d _never_ give these things so much thought. Not a chance.

Clenching his teeth, he took out some sliced bread instead, deciding to make a sandwich for himself. Sakata could eat whatever – Hijikata refused. To. Care. Alright?!

A loud thud came from his room. He pinched the bridge of his nose and set the bread down again. “You alright in there?” he called.

“I’m alive,” Sakata peeked out of the bedroom door. “Pipe down, would you? My head’s killin’ me.”

“What a surprise,” Hijikata said acerbically, thus successfully hiding the fact that he was _still _happy that Sakata essentially duelled for his attention. “You did drink yourself under the table, what did you expect?”

Sakata squinted at Hijikata for a few moments. Frankly speaking, he probably looked exactly the way he currently felt. “A reward?” he said eventually.

“What for?”

“I did win the drinking match,” Sakata said, hiccupping right after. “And I did it so we would hang out.”

“That was your idea, not mine,” Hijikata shrugged his shoulders. “You gonna eat breakfast?”

“If you cook it, maybe. What are you making?” Sakata asked.

“What do you usually eat for breakfast?”

There was a brief pause. “Lunch?” Sakata replied, tilting his head. “Where’s your dog?”

“Are you still drunk?” Hijikata narrowed his eyes. “I’ve told you countless times. There isn’t one.”

“Nooo, I’m 100% sure that I met it last—” Sakata didn’t finish, and turning green in the face, he rushed into the bathroom.

Hijikata shook his head. “Moron,” he muttered and resumed making his sandwich.


	8. Secretly Caring

He wasn’t sure himself how exactly, but he managed to sweep the matter of the dog Sakata remembered completely under the rug, if just for the time being.

Well, it _did _help that a certain perm-headed idiot had a terrible, horrible, godawful hangover, and he was not interested in anything at the moment except embracing the toilet. Hijikata wasn’t sure why that piece of work couldn’t hug his _own _toilet instead of Hijikata’s – he was _still _occupying Hijikata’s bathroom despite Hijikata’s efforts to get him to leave.

Then again, Hijikata was probably not trying as hard as he should have. It wasn’t pleasant, exactly, to have someone vomiting their guts out in his bathroom, but Hijikata, who knew perfectly well that he was completely and utterly doomed, would honestly take just about anything at this point to be in close proximity to the main source of his woes.

It was just… Sakata Gintoki turned out to be a dog person, of all the things, and Hijikata couldn’t but feel just a tiny little annoying smidge of hope that this _could _mean that Sakata would accept Hijikata easier for who he was.

Although, obviously, there was no-one in the world who could guarantee that.

At the moment, Hijikata was sitting at his desk, trying to work on his paper while listening to the distant groaning of an idiot, yet again questioning himself and the reasoning behind being so painfully attracted to someone who had no qualms to get drunk off his tits – and Hijikata _did _get to lick Sakata’s chest last night in his less than human form – just for the sake of holding a conversation with someone.

Seriously, what was up with that? Hijikata didn’t even _agree_ to it. He did allow it, and he had a blast watching the two of them, but he was not going to take a smidge of responsibility for something he had not caused. Sakata decided on that all by himself.

Hijikata wasn’t sure why. As far as he could tell, Sakata did not benefit from it in the least. Unless he was _looking _to get drunk, in which case…

Hijikata looked up worriedly from his paper. He really hoped that Sakata was just being a general doofus, and that there were no deeper issues.

Though… from the sound of it, there were some deep issues Sakata was determined to remove from his body immediately.

Hijikata got up and walked over to the bathroom door. He held his breath for a moment, then knocked. “You okay in there?” he asked, taking care not to speak too loudly.

“Just peachy,” Sakata replied in a hoarse voice. “Excellent, smashing, splendid, absolutely brilliant.” There was some shuffling and then the door creaked open; Hijikata blinked as the smell of all sorts of things, only slightly laced by the natural scent he adored so, assaulted his nose. Sakata looked just about what Hijikata had expected – absolutely haggard. “I haven’t…” Sakata hiccupped, “… felt so bad in ages.”

“Well, and whose fault is that,” Hijikata shrugged his shoulders.

“Mine,” Sakata said, and despite clearly feeling awful, he forced a grin. “Or so you keep reminding me.”

“I hope this’ll be a lesson to you, then,” Hijikata said sternly.

“What are you, my mum?” Sakata scoffed. “I’ll be fi—” he paled in the face and closed the door again.

Hijikata leaned his forehead on the door, hearing the sound of nausea hitting Sakata yet again, and he closed his eyes. Though Sakata had no idea, he hit the mark – Hijikata did not have the right to say anything, really. He was not a relative, nor was he a lover.

Gritting his teeth, he turned to go to his room to look up some more hangover remedies on the internet. He might not have the right to nag, but he wanted to do at least _something_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sobern't  
whoops


	9. Better Suitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha. 3:)

In the end, Hijikata spent almost the whole day taking care of that hungover idiot, and having wasted the entirety of his Saturday on him, he eventually forced him to return next door. He had to, since as night approached, his resolve and his ability to hold shape were getting weaker and weaker at an alarming rate.

As soon as the door closed behind Sakata the Moron, Hijikata squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled. The lingering scent was not as pleasant as it could have been, since there was no way a hungover fool would smell like anything other than walking human garbage, but it was still garbage Hijikata _wanted _and that alone was enough to want him to dive nose-first into that trashcan and to explore every nook and cranny of it.

It was frustrating, he chose to acknowledge as he made his way to his bedroom and fell flat onto his bed. Here, the scent was stronger, soaked into the beddings, and Hijikata buried his face into the same pillow Sakata had slept in, taking a deep breath.

For a few seconds, he lay there motionlessly, feeling the discomfort in his nether regions grow at the mere memory of the two of them being so close. Pavlov would be proud.

Cussing, he sat up, and with the bitter taste of regret spreading across his tongue, he opened the windows. Being with Sakata made him an absolute mess and he _hated _that. His rationale would leave the room in a hurry the same way Sakata’s scent was leaving now, it would disappear like a fart in a storm, and all he wanted was to _stick _to the idiot like a leech, only letting go to chase away others. It was preposterous and the fact that he had no way of marking Sakata for _his _was driving him insane.

His sharp ears caught the sound of someone’s heels in the hallway, and he froze as he listened to them walk down the corridor, pass his flat and stop next door. He heard the doorbell go off behind the wall, and his heart sank.

No, he was not going to be a slave to his own foolish desires any longer. He was _done_, he was fed up, and he was absolutely not going to stay here to listen to them fuck. There was no other possible reason for that woman to arrive next door, Hijikata was certain. In a rush, he changed while listening to their voices behind the wall as they chatted, grabbed his wallet and keys, and feeling disgusted with himself for feeling saddened, he walked out of his flat and slammed the door behind himself.

He was going to go out and find someone new. Right now, right this instant, he wanted to find someone better to help him forget about that sexy, muscular, handsome, perm-headed but unfortunately straight bastard from next door.

When he walked out into the moonlight, he suppressed a groan of pain as he quickly made his way into the nearest shade. It was fascinating just how much easier it was to control himself when Sakata wasn’t around to thwart his efforts; while it was still uncomfortable and unpleasant, he could cross the street without getting anywhere near the breaking point.

His angered stride carried him back to the very same bar he got cock-blocked at last time. He paused in front of the door, realising where he was, but then he clenched his teeth and entered. The perm-head was surely getting it on with those clickity-clackity heels from earlier and was not going to get in the way this time.

The sharp scent of tobacco welcomed him yet again.

The bartender saw him enter and instantly turned to prepare Hijikata’s favourite. That was more than comforting, and Hijikata relaxed his shoulders a little as he made his way to the nearest bar stool. Resting his elbows on the polished wooden counter, he received his drink with a half-hearted smile.

“Rough day?” the bartender said. It was relatively early, and so the bar was not very busy at the moment. Hijikata looked into his glass, and then he nodded curtly and downed his drink. He could spill his heart to the bartender, and he was certain that his secret would be safe – the owner was very picky about his staff, and if the bartender couldn’t keep mum about customers being gay or having love trouble, he would not last a month. Even so, Hijikata hesitated; the bartender hadn’t been here for _that long_, and there were things he couldn’t let slip. Opening his closet for a moment was one thing, but to talk about his ‘lunar problem’ was out of the question.

“Gimme another,” he croaked, his voice still hoarse with the alcohol burning its way down his throat. He did not plan on getting wasted, but he needed to have some liquid support to make it easier to find someone else.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he heard the owner’s voice. He looked up; the owner shooed the bartender aside and took his place. Unlike the bartender, the owner had known Hijikata for ages and though their relationship did not go past the door of this bar, they knew about each other’s sexuality and it was much less awkward.

Hijikata shrugged his shoulders and watched the owner pour him his requested seconds. “There’s not much to say, really,” he said. “I wasted my whole day taking care of a hungover bastard and couldn’t rest for a second.”

“Ah, the one from last night?” the owner pushed Hijikata’s drink across the counter slowly.

Hijikata reached out and took it; instead of downing it as well, he twirled the glass in his fingers. “Yeah,” he replied. “He crashed at my place and wouldn’t leave until a while ago.”

“Is that so bad?” the owner said, and Hijikata looked up to meet his eyes. It was obvious to Hijikata that the owner knew that Hijikata knew what that question meant.

“It is,” he replied weakly.

“Is it unrequited?” the owner whispered, leaning closer, and there was nothing but compassion in his expression.

Hijikata smiled wryly. “Worse. He’s straight,” he let out under his breath, and to prevent tears from welling up in his eyes, he knocked back another drink, then blinked rapidly to clear his vision. He was a grown man for fuck’s sake, he was _not _going to cry over someone so fucking dumb and tactless.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the owner patted Hijikata’s hand, and Hijikata just let him. Having admitted it and having said it out loud, he felt crestfallen. He could see the owner raise his head and look across the bar. He didn’t know what it was that caught the owner’s attention, but he did not turn around.

The owner backed away and turned to leave; on the way, he tapped the bartender’s shoulder. “Let him drink on the house tonight,” he said. Hijikata looked up and saw the both of them looking his way, and he suddenly felt uncomfortable; he did not come here to be _pitied_.

“Understood,” the bartender nodded.

Hijikata looked at his hands. To be alone was kind of depressing, and he wanted to get up and find someone to talk to when he heard footsteps coming nearer. “Hi,” came from behind him, and he turned around.

He cracked a smile. “Hello,” he greeted. The man from last night stood there, the poor guy who ended up losing to Sakata, even though that might have been just a fluke; he looked a little pale but seemed to be doing much better than Sakata overall.

“Did not expect to see you so soon,” the man said. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

Behind him, Hijikata could see the owner, giving Hijikata a thumbs up. He chuckled. He did not need the owner to do this, but he was okay with it. “Go ahead,” he said.

“Did it not go well last night?” the man said, and Hijikata waved his hand dismissively.

“There was nothing that _could_ go well,” he said. “Let’s not talk about things that would leave us with a bad aftertaste.”

“Alright,” the man nodded in agreement. “This is late, but I’m Yuu, by the way.”

“Toshi,” Hijikata said. He had no intention to go by his surname around here – most people didn’t even use their real names, and Hijikata only used it because he might have trouble responding to a nickname. That, and it felt better when his real name was called during sex.

Without trying to hide it, he eyed Yuu from head to toe. This guy really _was _good-looking, and it was only due to Hijikata’s infatuation that Yuu couldn’t hold a candle to Sakata no matter what he did. Still, Hijikata was set on forgetting about that moron, at least for tonight, and Yuu seemed as though he could help with that.

* * *

“Oh, it’s raining,” Yuu said, standing by the entrance.

“Shit,” Hijikata cussed, “I did not bring an umbrella.” It was honestly much better to get wet than to transform into something less than human-shaped in the moonlight, but if he had checked the forecast, he might have avoided getting wet as well.

“I have one with me,” Yuu suggested with a warm smile. “I could accompany you home if you allowed me.”

“I live pretty far from here,” Hijikata said doubtfully. “Won’t it be a bother?”

“Not at all,” Yuu assured him as they walked out.

Hijikata eyed Yuu again, watching him open his umbrella. After an evening spent together, Hijikata had already figured out that one, Yuu was a fun guy, and two, that he seemed the type to pamper. Hijikata had a good eye for people, and he felt quite comfortable around Yuu. Moreover, Yuu was into Hijikata, which was more than could be said for the perm-headed bane of Hijikata’s existence.

“How about it?” Yuu said, holding his umbrella out so that Hijikata could get under it as well.

“Sure,” Hijikata agreed after a short pause and stepped forward.

Though it was raining, the night was warm, and it did not feel like it took all that long for them to arrive to Hijikata’s place.

Hijikata found his keys in his pocket and unlocked the door.

“You wanna come in?” he said, because good Heavens, he wanted to fuck. He needed to do it with someone so that he could stop thinking about the idiot snoring away behind the wall. This was the first time he was desperate enough to want to do it at home, but he knew that if he were to be left alone, he would be forced to think of Sakata again, and he did not want that.

Yuu made a surprised expression. “Rather than that,” he said, “I was hoping to get your number. If I were to do that kind of thing, I feel like I would just be taking advantage of you, and after tonight…” he hesitated briefly, “… after tonight, I wouldn’t want to just leave it there.”

Taken aback, Hijikata looked Yuu in the eye for a moment. “Okay,” he nodded, “give me a minute.” He quickly went in, found a piece of paper and scribbled his phone number on it. Yuu was waiting at the entrance patiently, and he smiled when Hijikata handed the paper over.

“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll call you.”

“Kay,” Hijikata nodded. Maybe, just maybe, he could transfer that warm, fuzzy, butterflies-in-stomach feeling from Sakata to Yuu. Yuu definitely deserved it more.

“Have a good night,” Yuu said, and rather than turning to leave, he backed away a few steps, still looking at Hijikata with a soft expression.

“You, too,” Hijikata replied and finally closed the door.

It might have just been his imagination, but he caught a waft of Sakata Gintoki’s scent briefly.


	10. Lost Cause

Hijikata was having a morning smoke on the balcony, enjoying the fact that the weather was not too hot just yet when the balcony door of the neighbouring flat opened, and Sakata walked out. He was up unusually early; Hijikata himself returned in the dead of night, and he was up and about around sunrise because his habits were stronger than his fatigue.

“Can I have one?”

“No,” Hijikata retorted and moved away so that Sakata couldn’t snatch his cigarette away from him this time.

There were several seconds of silence.

“So, you’re gay, huh?”

Hijikata felt his blood run cold. His cigarette fell from his petrified fingers and landed onto the balcony floor as he stood there, unable to give a reaction. “Wh—” he began, but his voice failed him.

“I saw you last night,” Sakata shrugged as though Hijikata’s shell hadn’t just shattered to pieces. “With the guy from the bar.”

“N—He was just,” Hijikata let out, hoping that he sounded convincing, “bringing me home because I was drunk.”

“Reeeeally,” Sakata drew the one word out and Hijikata knew he failed.

“Even if that were the case, why would you care?” he said, agitated. “It’s none of your business.”

“None of my—” Sakata leaned over the railing towards Hijikata. “Aren’t we friends?! You should have told me!”

“… huh?” Hijikata blinked in surprise. This… was not at all the reaction he had expected.

“If I had known, I wouldn’t have suggested to introduce you to a girl!” Sakata threw his hands in the air. “I would have known that a guy would be better instead!”

Hijikata coughed. “We don’t know each other _that _well,” he said. “I don’t walk around telling everyone. Also, just so you know,” he frowned, “if you tell anyone—”

“Whoa. I’m not going to chase you out of your closet,” Sakata raised his hands again, in a defensive gesture this time. “I’m hurt that you’d think I couldn’t keep a secret, Hijikata-kun. My heart is broken, I’ll have you know. Our years of friendship almost collapsed just now.”

“Years of friendship?” Hijikata parroted. “It hasn’t even been a week since I agreed to this.”

“I’m talking about our future!” Sakata tilted his head back and laid the back of his hand on his forehead theatrically. “Our years of friendship to come! How could you!” he whined accusingly, wiping away a non-existent tear.

Hijikata chuckled a little. How could he? More like, how could he have forgotten – Sakata was a natural idiot, and Hijikata was saved by this, if only a little. The fact that Sakata clearly didn’t mind made breathing easier – so much so that Hijikata was a bit taken aback. It still didn’t mean that he had a chance, though, and he had to remind himself yet again that he had decided to find someone else.

Sakata stopped performing and leaned onto the railing. “So,” he said, “want me to hook you up with someone?”

“Nah,” Hijikata replied and he _hated _that his voice chose to crack just then, “I’m good.”

“Oh? Things going well with the guy from the bar?”

“His name is Yuu, and it’s none of—”

“—my business. Right. I don’t like him, though.”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant,” Hijikata stated flatly. “That’s between me and him.”

“Well, in case it doesn’t work out, let me know and I’ll find you someone,” Sakata grinned in response.

“I feel like you’d bring me someone weird, so no,” Hijikata folded his arms on his chest. “I don’t want your nose _or _your fingers in my relationships.” If there were going to be any fingers involved, he’d much rather put his own in…

No, nonono. He had promised himself not to do this anymore, and getting delusional in broad daylight was _not _helping. Sighing, he squatted to pick up the cigarette at his feet, and he put it out in the ashtray he had brought out just for this purpose.

“What do you mean, weird?” Sakata said, and when Hijikata looked up at him, he found that this idiot was making that cute pouty face that Hijikata knew all too well. Screw this guy for being inconceivably adorable at the least appropriate moments.

“Do you own a mirror?” Hijikata replied, getting up again. “Go and look in it. That’s what I mean by weird.”

Sakata barked out a laugh. “I could say the same to you.”

Hijikata gave it a moment’s thought. “I guess you could,” he said then and went inside, closing the door.

It was a relief that Sakata wasn’t prejudiced, but at the same time it was odd he disliked Yuu. He had no right to butt in, and him doing so made Hijikata want to try and be with Yuu out of sheer spite. Hell, who was Sakata to dictate Hijikata’s love life if he wasn’t going to play the main role in it?!

Thinking this way was unfair to Yuu, and Hijikata was painfully aware of that as well. If he wanted to get away from Sakata, the first step was to stop treating anyone who came his way as a means of attaining freedom, or as substitutes.

His phone rang, interrupting his train of guilty thoughts.

When Hijikata picked up, Yuu’s warm voice caressed his ear. Hijikata, as he greeted, remembered that Sakata’s voice was a little deeper than usual in the morning, and his dismay grew yet again.


End file.
